"Good Mourning"

Today I ventured into "The Room". There are so many things in there: so much happiness, so much sadness, so much memory, and so much work. Although the door has been closed for three years, things look mostly like they were the way my grandma left it. How amazing. How painful. Aside from the dust and the constant sneezing, I managed to clear a bit of a path, but still more must be done. I guess these are one of those projects you take piece by piece. If I had a magic wand, the job would be so much easier. Heck, if I had a magic wand, she'd still be here. It's been three years, but I still can't help but be angry. To be sad. To be confused. To miss her. But we must carry on, right. But every now and then, it's ok to go by the side of the road, to take a breath, look back and cry about the people we've left behind. Take a breath and look forward and cry about the things the people we left behind will miss out on. But these tears are not just of grief, but of joy as well. I must remember to remind myself of that. I must remember to be grateful that I had the honor of being in my grandma's presence, to feel her spirit, to hold her hand, to hear her voice, to see her smile. I have to remember that. While working in "The Room," I had music bumping from my comp in the other. That helped. When grandma was here, she'd have her radio playing, tuned into to KGO to hear the talk shows. If I hadn't had other music going, I'd have been expecting to hear the evening news. Something I can't bear to do without her, at least right now. Kind of like how tough it is to go to church or read my bible. I have God in my heart, and must never forget that. But I cannot do these things without her, at least right now. In due time I suppose. Well, at lease the process continues. The healing. The reflection. The continuity. As I was picking up items, I saw so many sewing projects that were incomplete. Some that never had the chance to even be begun. What we'll do with most things is a mystery, but hopefully that answer will present itself soon. But again, these things will happen in due time I suppose. In due time.