Pet peeved…

There have been several things that have just gotten under my skin lately. It’s not to the point where I want to rip someone’s head off for… but it’s worthy of a nice punch to the crotch… here’s my list:

Procrastination… has and I think will always be a big piece of my life. Particularly when it comes to creativity. I feel like it’s taking me a billion years to blog nowadays… ack! It’s not that I don’t have anything to say… as I have PLENTY… but I just tend to get lazy about sitting down and writing it down, particularly before I forget. *sigh* Hopefully I’ll get better at it, as I am submitting this post today… baby steps I say, baby steps.

Condescending behavior… I am so BEYOND folks that act like this. I believe that if you are over the age of 25, you should have your damn act together. Seriously! Anyone that exhibits this behavior towards me automatically gets 7 consecutive ball/ovary shots. =)

Dirty old and pushy men… I’m tired of old dudes telling me to smile for them… “C’mon baby, it can’t be that bad” “where’s my smile?” Bitch, it’s bad cuz your in my face with them tired ass lines! These guys are worthy of 10 ball shots and a kick for good measure.

Liars/people shit… I don’t think I need to go into detail about this one, as I’m sure you all have had your experiences with such. The amount of punishment is up to your discretion… but karma always looms.

Missed opportunities… particular in telling off a liar/person full of shit. There’s no do overs huh? Damn.

Double standards… particularly when it comes to po-po. I see so many cops talking on cell phones while driving… are they exempt from using headsets… while a cop ticket another for not using one? I wonder…

Sucky television programming… what the f*ck was up with the Sopranos?!?! That shit was a waste of time! I Think David Chase was on one when he wrote this final season… jumpy story lines… wack ass ending… Good ‘ol TV just ain’t what it used to be.

Well, this is just a small list of things that are annoying me at the moment, as I am sure that this is subject to change. Other than these little jewels of annoyance, thing have been swell! =)
Family is well… my sister is a graduate… my bro is doing his thing big time… the job is cool… dance classes are dope… I’m happy with the dance company I’m in (Got’s nothing but love for M.O.M.). Just as long as dumb ass people stay outta my way, it’s all to the good.
So I’m curious, what’s your list?

James Brown - World

We'll miss him...

It’s easier to build a monument…

On Thursday, something just felt odd too me. After I finished teaching my dance class at the YWCA (I love those guys!) I went to take my mentor’s dance class in Downtown Oakland, and perhaps help out if she needed it. As I was driving, I was pondering. I love dance… it brings so much joy and happiness, a sense of accomplishment in not only myself, but to everyone that the movement comes in contact with. I came to realize that with any path that I take I life, that whatever I do will have to evoke the same feelings. As I parked my car, I still felt odd. I don’t know if it was because of excitement… if I was anxious… could be a variety of reasons. As I made my way upstairs to see my mentor, I saw posters all over the place with Carlos Aceituno’s picture all on over it. I thought to myself, “Mannn, Carlos is probably gonna have another bomb ass show again.” But I just didn’t have the time to read the information on the flier. I had to go see my mentor. When I got upstairs, I saw my mentor and another woman that also takes the class – and they both had the most solemn looks on his faces. “Did you hear about Carlos?” “No. What?” “He died.” “How?” “He died.” He was only 45.
My heart sank. I didn’t know Carlos personally – but I would see him zipping around Malonga Casquelourd Theater, at various performances and such – but he always had a kind word and such a positive spirit. I may not have known him personally, but I knew what he was about. He was about helping create and outlet for youth to become future leaders in the world. For them to find positive alternatives in situations that are often seen as bleak or possibly insurmountable. There are so many people that will miss him for that, and it’s unfortunate that generations to come will not have had the firsthand experience of his strength, courage, and beautiful spirit.
I pray that during this time that people don’t give up on the dream that he sought to make true. That people begin to see and realize that there is potential for growth in areas that are given negative descriptions (particular Oakland and the Mission in San Francisco). Carlos didn’t give up on these communities, and I pray that these communities don’t give up on him and his dream.
If you knew Carlos, or are interested in what he stood for, please visit the website of his group “Fogo Na Roupa” at www.gofogo.com
There are opportunities to celebrate his life, as well as support his family and friends during this time.
We’ll miss you Carlos Aceituno. But your vision will carry on.

So lonely…

Today I feel sad. Maybe because my brain and spirit is still in Oahu… I miss that place already… *sigh* Obviously I returned to work with an in-box and voice mail flooded with messages, that I have yet to check all of… hehe, see where my priorities are, right? I guess I am doubly sad because one of my lunch comrades is no longer here. Katipunero, who you all may know as my Xanga tormentor, is actually like a big brother to me. We were classmates at SFSU in our MPH program and he worked about a block away from me in Berkeley. But since he got hitched, he moved to Patterson, and now he has a new job in Modesto. He’s such an awesome spirit and I am so happy for you and Tes… good luck at the new j-o-b! I will miss laughing with you and making fun of people as they walked down the street, hearing your stories about you plan to have complete world domination… in all seriousness, I will miss your ears, heart, and spirit… but then again, you are not too far way, and there is always messenger :P

Mind over Matter...

Last night, my sister and I had our first swimming lesson together. I had tried before, but just got to panicky and startled to continue. In our family, none of us know how to swim… which is scary, I know, but we all have reasons. My grandma didn’t learn because she and her siblings nearly drowned in a flood, my mom got pushed in a pool by a “friend”, and my bro, sis, and I all had just really startling experiences in pools. But last night, I think I did ok. We are just in our beginning stages of learning how to kick and float. I guess you are never too old to learn something new, eh? There was a guy next to the pool that was really supportive… he told me not to be nervous and just relax, that I would get it. In my mind I was like, “Yeah right dude, we’ll see about that!” But he’s absolutely right. But I still need to get over my jitters and just go.

Song on my mind...

Girl Blue Lyrics
by Stevie Wonder

Hello Morning, good, good morning to the one I love,
Crystal Ringlets paint a picture of a gold sunrise above.

Little girl you're sad,
Though all you have,
is visible to you.
Within your heart
there stays a part
That like the sky is blue.

Shifting breezes, grace the inner spectrum of your glance.
Leaves on branches, for your pleasure, perform a soothing dance.

Little girl it seemsin all my dreams
Your happiness is due.
But still they last,their in your past
Events that make you blue.

Thoughts of love are in your mind,
Yet splintered hopes push them aside.
A look at life is what you need to try.

In an instant there'll be sunshine,sprinkled every place.
Drops of rain will kiss the softness of your lovely face.

Little girl be fair
Show yourself you care,
let others care for you.
Before it's too late,
Cause time won't wait,
Till your heart's no longer blue.

Little girl be smart,
Don't break your own heart,
There is love waiting for you.
Before it's too late
Cause time won't wait,
Til your heart's no longer blue.

I’m getting to old for this shit…

I love that line Danny Glover used to say in those “Lethal Weapon” flicks. I find myself saying that more and more each day. Today, I kept saying that over and over again as I went shopping for clothes. I have a love/hate relationship with that. Especially as I grow into my new self, which is always a constant process. I have had an issue with my weight/health for quite some time. Instead of freshman 15… I had the freshman 100… it was all bad. That doesn’t bold over too well when u get thrusted into a new environment like UCB… where everyone is so into themselves… and aren’t often the most caring and compassionate folks in the world… quite reflective of real life eh? About a few years ago… perhaps 5 or so… I made a choice to improve my health. Who likes the idea of being 21 years old with high blood pressure… a bad back… jacked up knees… and asthma out of control? Since then, I can say that I have been successful in shaving off about 70 of those pounds, and physically I’m stronger.
I didn’t decide to have my own personal “Celebrity Fit Club” just so I could wear string bikinis… it was all for my health… but I cannot say that the new figure does not make shopping fun… every once in a while. Where am I going with all this? Oh yeah, clothes. What the hell is up with the fashion these days??? A bit too much teeny bopper for me and waaaaay too over priced. And if you do find something… it’s not flattering to certain body types. I thought about buying some Applebottom jeans today… which were $75! I had a moment of insanity and was very close to buying them, but the damn things were too long. I asked the clerk if they had any for petite people… and she said that they don’t make them. What??? How can you make something for girls with curves and junk in the trunk… and forget about the girls with the short legs??? Makes no damn sense.
With a world stuck on consumerism and glitz and glam, it’s easy to see how these companies profit so much from folks that just want to fit in… to be a part of the “in-crowd.” I wish that the majority didn’t sway the options for the minorities… For those that don’t buy into what’s hot, we are left struggling with our own body imagery and self-esteem.
I need to start sewing again… and make clothes reflective of who I am… which is much happier and constantly growing into the person I will become.

Get on your j-o-b…

“Excuse me. Could you help me? My eye came off.” Such a priceless quote from a little one an intern and I conducted a presentation for. One of the many curricula that we developed for our education and outreach is a puppet making activity for K-2 grade kids… a creative way to teach little ones how tobacco affects your body, and how to talk to adults about not smoking around them and possibly quitting. I love doing presentations. I cannot always say that I have been a fan of doing so… especially with my healthy dose of self-doubt and anxiety… but I really like it now. Today was presentation heavy… after working with the little ones for about an hour, it was off to talking to 11th and 12th grade students of color about seeking and pursuing careers in health… it’s amazing to see how young folks are eager and willing to step up and represent in providing just and quality service to the folks that they will soon serve. It was so empowering… I was on a panel of a few colleagues, and now a new contact. The new acquaintance’s name is Ruby and she works on environmental health issues for Alameda County. Although she was born in the U.S., she was raised in Mexico… she talk about the internal and external racism experienced as she strove to make positive change in her community and abroad. One of the dopest things she did was network with her contacts in El Paso, Texas and organized a concert for their sister city, Juarez, Mexico, which was geared towards raising money for a domestic violence center in Juarez… as violence against women is a huge public health issue there. Simply amazing. Later that day, my intern and I did a comprehensive presentation to a group of women on tobacco – focusing on health affects, advertising, marijuana, etc. It was such a wonderful learning/teaching experience. On that makes you all warm and fuzzy on the inside.

I can’t help but think about all the jobs I have had in my lifetime… some even at the same time:

Landscaper
Gardener
Seamstress
Tutor
Writing program coordinator
Dance instructor
Aerobics instructor
Project coordinator
Community health worker
Anesthesiologist technician assistant
Public health intern
Fan club volunteer
Resource center volunteer
Public health consultant
Secret agent

Ok, maybe not the last one… but then again, you never know.
I can say that I am fortunate to have had jobs that I have really loved and learned so much from… not to mention the countless lifetime relationships I was able to make in the process. All of them required a lot of hard work, focus, and passion, and left me feeling fulfilled during and after each experience. The pay may not have been the greatest for each of them… but who would turn compensation in the form of hugs, genuine smiles and support, and periodic words of appreciation. And it doesn’t hurt to get 4th row tickets to see one of your favorite artist, AND take a pic with her backstage!!!
See the pic here:

http://www.xanga.com/Katssoapopera/510571479/item.html