Capricorn
(December 22-January 19)
Newcomers have to earn your trust. Physical evidence means more to you than a long list of credentials. You welcome others' ability to ask the tough questions.

Interesting...

Hey, Hey, Hey! Back on the blog again! Goodness, so much has happened in the past day or two. Can't go into details, but I can say that this experience has taught me so much and then some. I have learned more about what I appreciate about my friends and people that I generally meet. I learned to appreciate those that got my back even more (thanks t.k., irene, and mel). T.K., thanks for being my ear, my brotha, my potna in crime, and my friend all rolled into one. I got your back wheneva. Thanks Irene for just being so wise! You are a diva! Do yo thang Ms. Tutor Lady ;) Mel, thanks for just being you! I realize that I like analytical people -- those that question everything and will not settle for any and every answer or so called solution. I learned that I have more of an impact on people than I initially imagined. I shared a table in the SLC with a young woman, and she totally remembered me tutoring at the Center (wow, that was almost a year ago). She still remembered my face? Wow! At the RSF today, I was punching aerobic cards and ran into this young woman, and she goes, "Hey, you helped me with a few of my papers before. I think like a few summers ago." Gosh, she remembered me? Those little interactions totally blow my mind. I realized that I miss going to school after walking through various Cal buildings on campus (those that a know all too well). I got really nostalgic and kinda melancholy when I passed by two places. I went to VLSB to post about a billion flyers for various projects I'm involved with and happened to peer into the BSP office window. Man, I miss that room. I still know the code to get in and everything -- I think it's etched in my brain from attending study group in there so much :) It looked so lively. I miss the comfort of the people (and not to mention those comfy ass couches... I could sleep for days in there!). I also walked along the path way between VLSB and California Hall. I have such a bad memory of that area. Ever have one of those moments in which your see something and it totally throws you back to such an impacting experience? I remember over 2 years ago getting out of the car to pick up my final graded paper for Public Health 203. I remember walking to Warren Hall and fishing out my paper in the tattered cardboard box that housed the fate of so many others in the class as well. Once I retrieved my paper, I quickly flipped to the back to inspect the comments and grade. A-. Dayum, I got an A- in a grad course! But all that was overshadowed by the news that my grandma was dying. As I left Warren, I walked along the path towards the SLC as I had to have my final conference with my supervisor, turn in grades for my workshop, and meet with all four of my students before I could even think about going home, let alone take pride in my A-. As I was walking towards Chavez, I remember trying to mask my tears, but I remember some people looking at me or trying to avoid eye contact in one way or the other. As I kept walking, I was wondering what people were thinking? Maybe the thought I was crying cuz I just flunked a final. Or cuz my best friend and I were going or separate ways (in a way, that was true). Gosh, that was a sad day. It was only fitting that the day was cold and there was an extremely heavy overcast. As I was walking along the path, I could feel the cold air freezing the tears on my cheeks. As I walked down that path today, I looked at it as not a trail of tears, but as a path of growth for me. That experience taught me how to be stronger emotionally and that I can carry on despite how bleak the situation may look. I'm learning that looking back at bad experiences has the ability to help you to realize that that you are ultimately in control of your outcome(s) and it's up to you to make the best of it. As Aaliyah said, "if at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again!" ;)

Ponderences on my mind!!!

Wow, it's really difficult to begin this blog, and I don't know why. I guess I just have to figure out some tactful way to say what I have to say, so why don't I just say it! Are people just that numb to racial slurs and terms of objectification now? I went to a part last night and I heard a lot of non-African-American people addressing each other as "my n$gga." What the hell? Every time I hear some one say that, in my mind I'm thinking, "Hey, you nor he/she is Black. What in the f@#$ are you talking about?!?!" But then again, do I wanna claim that word? Why has that term become so neutral amongst society today? It's easy to blame it on hip-hop culture as it's all over the place there, but damn. I have no problem with sharing culture and whatnot, but when it comes to using racial slurs as a term of endearment, that's where I gotta draw the line. When I hear people say the "n word" I always give them my patented "what the F$%^ are you doing/saying" smirk and stare, and then it registers I guess, and they change their tone. The last time I was in Las Vegas, I was at a club where they were playing 2-Pac's "How Do You Want It." One of the lines is "growin up as a n@gga in the cash game, livin in a fast lane." Why were fools on the dance floor saying that line? I gave this one dude "the look" and he changed the word to "brotha." It shouldn't have taken my death stare to do that.
All night at this party they were playing some cool hip-hop music, but then they played the Luke booty music -- which is cool, but yet again caused me to question things. The dj played "She Ain't Nutin But a Hoochie Mama." The intro line is "Big booty hoes, hop wit it." In my mind, I was thinking, "Ain't no big booty hoes here." Then I had to think again. Is that to say that only Black women are big booty hoes? These things seem so easy to articulate, but in terms of getting other people to understand the severity of these issues, that's when you run into the problem. What are we gonna do? Do a big ass public service announcement that is simulcast on all stations at 8:00pm every day for a month saying that you all must have sensitivity when embracing other cultures. That you cannot use terms loosely, etc. Although it's wishful thinking, honestly it's not gonna happen. I guess we have to go to plan B... when I think of it.